Goodbye love (MarkRoger argument fic)
by broggy
Summary: Thoughts that were going through both boy's heads during "goodbye love". Trying to make it as canon and in character as possible, so not much Marker in this one at all. If you've ever seen the cut version of goodbye love from the movie, it starts when Mark walks in on Roger packing. I don't own Rent, or it's characters! reviews always welcome! enjoy!


**Hey bitches! hope you like this one! This isnt Marker, wanted to keep it canon. Just Mark/Roger friendship!**

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He could barely breathe. Trotting down the cold, unforgiving streets was bad enough, but tonight was going to be even worse. Tonight was the night his brother, his protector, his best friend, was leaving for Santa Fe. The worst part was, there was no guarantee he would come back. He soon found himself inside the loft, sliding the metal door shut behind him, and making his way toward Roger's room.

He quickly came to a stop. He stood there silently as his best friend stuffed articles of clothing, and various items into his bag. The taller man looked up abruptly, taking notice of Mark, before lowering his head again, like the albino wasn't there in the first place. Mark let out a sigh. That hurt.

Mark had started to panic. Pretty soon, Roger would be out of clothes to pack. Pretty soon, Roger would be out the door, and out of his life, for who knows? days? months? weeks? years? _Forever. _The cruel word played itself in his mind. He knew he had to try and get his friend to stay. He needed Roger, more than he needed his camera, more than he needed a warm place to sleep. Roger was his life. It wouldn't be the same, not having someone to nag about taking their AZT. There would no longer be shitty versions of Musetta's Waltz floating around lazily in the air of the loft. He would be what he was most afraid of. _Alone._… Mark shivered thinking about it, and snapped out of his trance. He started with small talk, hoping it would buy him enough time.

"I hear there are great restaurants out west…" his small voice sounded almost out of place within the silence and tension of the musician's room.

Roger let out a sigh. He knew what was coming. He knew damn well that Mark was trying to stop him. This was hurting him as well. Mark was his best friend. Deciding to leave hadn't been an easy choice to make. "Some of the best…" he replied, his green eyes scanning over the blank walls of his room. A picture of Mimi popped into his mind. Damn, he was gonna miss her. She was so beautiful, so sweet… so much like… April… Roger winced a bit at her name. He loved Mimi, but he couldn't go through that again. He couldn't watch her die. _"She has Benny now…" _He thought, his sadness quickly turning to disdain. "How could she?" he hissed, turning his attention back to his bag.

Mark was quick to reply. "How could you let her go?" He was sick of Roger always running from things like this. Roger snorted in anger. Mark was one to talk. He had no idea what Roger was going through. He never had a girlfriend slit her wrists in their own bath tub. He doesn't have a disease that slowly kills you from the inside out.

"You just don't know…." He suddenly thought of Angel. Sweet, caring Angel, who was always one to talk about how lucky everyone was to be together. Angel, who always put everyone before herself. And Angel, who was taken away first. "How could we lose Angel?"

Mark spoke up. He had to get Roger to start facing his problems, and he needed to help him see that Angel didn't die for no reason.

"Maybe you'll see why, when you stop escaping your pain, at least now if you try, Angel's death won't be in vain…."

Roger didn't want to hear any of it. How could Angel have died for a reason? she was the sweetest person he knew, she always put everything and everyone before herself, and went out of her way to make everyone happy. She did nothing wrong! how could Mark say something like that?

"His death, _IS_ in vain!" he spat, his eyes moving up to meet Mark's stone cold expression. He hated when Mark did this. He was going into observation mode… he was detaching… Roger was sick of it. He was one to talk about hiding from pain. He never felt anything himself.

Mark winced slightly. He thought Roger understood. Angel's death was supposed to remind them how little time they have left. Angel's death was supposed to make their family band even stronger together. It was clear to him now, this was only tearing it further apart.

"Are you _insane_? there's so much to care about, there's me…. there's Mimi."

Roger stopped reaching for his AZT bottle, and his eyes burned into the counter._ "Mimi… _" he thought sadly. _"Mimi is dying… Mimi will be dead soon enough, just like me…" _he said in his mind. "Mimi's got her baggage too…" he whispered, hoping this would be enough for Mark to back off a bit.

Mark wasn't about to let this stop him. Mimi needed Roger. She loved him. Even if they had little time left, why would it be so bad for them to be happy? and together? "So do you!" he yelled.

This angered Roger. He didn't need to be scolded like a child because he was leaving. If he wanted to avoid his pain, who was Mark to tell him any different. He slammed the medicine cabinet shut, and spun around to face Mark, his eyes blazing.

"Who are you to tell me what I know? what to do?" he snapped. This made Mark back up a little, his blue eyes becoming worried. He spoke up quietly.

"A friend…" he only wanted Roger to know how much he cared. He wanted Roger to know that losing him was his worst fear. Roger, still in his rage, decided it was his turn to do the confronting.

"But who Mark, are you?" Mark raised an eyebrow in confusion, but before he could interrupt, Roger continued. "Mark has got his work, they say Mark lives for his work, and Mark's in love with his work… Mark _Hides_ in his work…" he finished off bitterly.

Mark was confused, but most of all, nervous. He knew exactly what Roger was driving at. His eyes cast to the window for a second, and his voice cracked. "From what?"

Roger stood up. He was now right in front of the filmmaker. His eyes narrowed. "From facing your failure, facing your loneliness, facing the fact, you live a lie…" Mark stayed silent, his eyes shinning with tears that were threatening to spill over any second. Roger's eyes were shimmering too. "Yes you live a lie! tell you why, you're always preaching not to be numb, when that's how you thrive, you pretend to create and observe when you really detach from feeling alive!"

Mark was hit by Roger's words. His roommate had never said something so mean to him before. Roger had hit the nail on the head, though. Mark did hide from the pain. He hid from getting attached. He didn't want to suffer, and watch his family die off one by one. If he was numb, it wouldn't hurt so bad. Still, in his new found anger, Mark said something that he regretted, the moment he realized it left his lips.

"Perhaps it's because, i'm the one of us, to survive!" an almost invisible tear streaked down his cheek. He was right. Pretty soon after Collins, Roger, and Mimi were claimed by the disease, and Maureen was off with Joanne in their own life, Mark would be alone. What he feared most. _Alone._ The word stung him even more.

One look at Roger's face was enough to tell him that he had gone too far. The rocker's eyes were really watery now, and a tear made it's way down his cheek.

"_Poor baby.._" he hissed, and made his way towards the door. Mark winced. His voice had enough pain, sarcasm, and edge to cut through steel. He quickly followed after him, and changed the subject, trying to remind Roger of the only other thing that would keep him here.

"Mimi still loves Roger…. is Roger really jealous? or afraid that Mimi's weak?" Roger looked up from his place beside the door, and whispered.

"Mimi _Did _look pale…" Mark kept going, his voice desperate. He blew it. Roger's leaving now, and he couldn't stop him.

"Mimi's gotten thin, Mimi's running out of time! Roger's running out the door!" Roger looked up, the tears running down his face now.

"No more!" he yelled. He looked down at his watch. "Oh no…. ive gotta go…"

Mark was full of anger now. Roger always got to run away. Roger never had to stick back, and face the pain. He never had to deal with his problems. Mark couldn't help but feel betrayed. During the nightmare that was Roger's withdrawal, Mark hadn't left the side of his friend once. When Roger was hysterically crying, and shaking, and clinging to Mark, and whining in agony, Mark had promised left and right that he would never leave Roger, he would never abandon him when he was in so much pain. If that was the case then, why would Roger be so quick to leave Mark's side now?

As Roger opened the door, Mark yelled. "HEY!" Roger spun around, and they locked eyes. "For someone who's always been let down, who's heading outta town? Roger narrowed his eyes, and snapped back

"For someone who Longs for a community of his own, who's with his camera? _Alone.._" Mark looked down. There was that horrible word again. Alone. "I'll call…" reassured Roger, before finishing with "I hate the fall…" and with a massive slam of their heavy metal loft door, Mark knew in his heart that his happiness, along with Roger's presence, was gone.

**Side note: I didn't feel like writing about Mimi's reaction to everything, because I wanted to make this strictly a Mark/Roger fic. **

**Annnd that's the goodbye love fic I re-created! the last draft I wrote, I personally liked more, but eh, this one will have to do. This is what happens when you listen too goodbye love, and get emotional! enjoy! hopefully this can be used as a sample of my better writing skills, and what not. Thanks for reading! it means a lot!**


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